No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
