just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
