I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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