The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize