i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
