my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
