In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
