Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
