At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
false alarm, still single
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