The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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