she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
