remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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