mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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