I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
