It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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