did you get engaged???
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't deserve a penis
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
