She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
