need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
