tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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