Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
