so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
