Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
