My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
