Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
