Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
