I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
