fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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