the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
