Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
