just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
