There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
