What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
