if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
