What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
