dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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