Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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