Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
