i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
