You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
