I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
