420 ftw
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
