How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
