This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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