Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
