Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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