She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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