i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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