I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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