theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize