haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
