and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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