I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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