Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
