She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
