The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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