He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
