I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
