Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Randomize
