remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
