If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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