Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
