i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
