You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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