Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
