somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
