Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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